A spark of self worth

Posted on Tue Nov 12th, 2024 @ 9:59pm by Captain Tyler Driskill & Lieutenant Commander Joseph Sledge

1,302 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Mission 2 - Death is Only the Beginning
Location: Deck 1 | Captains Ready Room | USS Concord
Timeline: After the loss of the alien ship

Captain Driskill sat in his ready room, sipping a good cup of coffee and going over some of the mission debriefs. He wasn't expecting anyone at his door when the chime rang he replied "Come in."

Joseph, still recovering from the away mission and nursing a still healing plasma burn on his cheek and real left hand, stepped in to the room after the Captain invited him in. He stepped forward, making his way to in front of the Captain's desk. He spoke softly "Sir, I need to talk to you..." His eyes showing that he was suffering somewhat from what had happened on the Kobali ship.

The Captain saw the suffering in Joseph's eyes and gestured toward the pair of chairs across from his desk. "Care for anything from the replicator" he asked raising both eyebrows and trying to make his First Officer as comfortable as possible.

Joseph's eyes darted from the Captain to the chairs before he slowly sat down. It took him a moment to realize what he said before shaking his head "... On duty.. Can't order what I want sir..."

Tyler chuckled as he shook his head. He sensed something wasn’t right from mister Sledge and asked “what brings you by today?”

Joseph looked at his prosthetic hand as he sat there. He took a moment before he finally spoke "I... I fucked up sir... That away mission... It's my fault that crewman died.... Plasma burns..." He shuddered a bit and clenched his normal hand, the one that had been burned.

“We all know the risk when we join Star Fleet” the Captain replied like he was trained to do. “The loss is great but the Crewman knew the risks when he signed up. We’ve experienced some tragic losses on this journey so far, I’ll admit and it’s likely there will be more.”

Joseph clenched both fists as he sat there listening to the Captain spew the company line. He shook his head and spoke "You didn't order him to go repair the conduit that was about to rupture. You didn't watch him become engulfed in plasma fire... You didn't hold..." He looked at his still bandaged hand.

“Your right I wasn’t there” Captain Driskill glanced down at Joseph’s hand and back up into his face. “I find the hardest part of my job is issuing orders that lead to the injury or death of a member of the crew.”

Joseph just sat there, quiet as a church mouse, staring at his hands. He still remembered having taken the crewman's hand, which had caused the burns on his hand and arm. He remembered as he felt the familiar transporter beam capture him, some how not grabbing the crewman as well. Instead he had materialized on the transporter pad holding a disembodied hand dropping gore on to the pad's transparent aluminum flooring and tinging the white lights beneath, red. He remembered screaming the crewman's name, shouting at the transporter chief to try again, instead only getting a hypospray to the neck just as the ship was rocked by the explosion.

Finally, Joseph looked up and whispered softly "Sir... I... I can't do this... It was a mistake to make me your First Officer... I... I've given nothing but bad advice..."

“What do you” Tyler paused “what do you mean you can’t do this?”

He growled and spoke "Sir I was a Flight Officer before this posting! I had like three weeks training to become the XO of the Concord!" His voice tense with stress as he spoke. He was trying to not yell but his mental state was having an affect on him. "There was nothing in the training about this... I.. They don't teach you to handle ordering someone to their death! At least not in my case..."

The Captain knew deep down that Sledge was right, it was difficult to make those calls. "Starfleet must" Tyler stopped "I understand Joseph and I can agree it can be very troubling but this is going to set your career back tremendously are you sure this is what you want?" The Captain stood there looking at the Commander for a moment "Are you wanting to return to flight control?" There were several things the Captain was curious about but he needed one or two questions and answers at at time.

Joseph took a few moments as he sat there. He clenched his fist a few times, stretching the still healing skin. Gently he shook his head and spoke "Ensign Vos is doing a great job as the Chief Conn Officer.. I wouldn't want to interfere with her duties. I know she is half Vulcan and half Human, but I am sure there would be some sense of distress deep down and worry that she is not performing her duties accurately.... I could take the Chief Operations Officer... We did just recently lose our Ops officer... And Xiviu is a little too inexperienced to take over that role..."

It seemed that even though he was willing to give up his Executive Officer position, he was still in the mindset of being the XO, using what he knew about their crew to help create the proper working environment that would help with their mission.

"We could use another bridge officer with experience" Tyler smiled at Joseph. "I think it will be a good fit" the Captain shook his head "I'm just... I'm sorry this has all happened" not that there was anything he could do about it. "We've had it pretty rough since we've arrived in the Delta Quadrant and that wasn't the plan but it is what we are faced with."

Joseph shook his head gently as he sat there. In a soft voice he spoke to the Captain "It isn't your fault sir. It's the situation that we are in... No one could have expected the new engine to completely fail the way it did..."

"Well Mister Sledge it looks like the operations department belongs to you and I can say I'm glad I'll still have you on the bridge" Captain Driskill said with a smile. "I do appreciate you being honest and coming forward" it wasn't every day someone was that honest with their Captain or their self.

Joseph gavea gentle shake of his head. Softly he spoke "I honestly thought I would be able to handle it... But.. Seeing Smith... His hand... It brought back memories from the Deliverance..."

"I recommend you make an appointment with the counselor." Tyler sighed "this may be something that's extremely tough to deal with and you may never fully get over it."

Joseph gave yet another quiet nod as he sat in the chair before the Captain's desk. Softly he spoke "I plan on it, after we deal with the current emergency. We have a ship full of aliens that we know absolutely jack shit about aside from they needed our help."

“Right” Tyler gave a nod “that’s why I’ll be in sickbay figuring it out.” The Captain stood from his desk and recycled his tea mug “hopefully friends and not foes.”

"Agreed.. Would you like me to come with you sir? I know I am not your XO any more... But I figured I would offer anyways." Joseph smiled a bit to the man as he sat there, trying to forget what had happened for the time being.

"I'll be taking Lieutenant Wilde" he smiled "I'll need you on the bridge" the Captain added.

Joseph gave one more nod as he stood up. He offered his hand to shake and spoke "Aye sir. I'll be on the bridge." before heading off to the bridge after they shook. He made his way to the Ops station and started to log in to it.

 

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